Momma

I have another part time job… I have several. Nothing really grand, or anything to brag about… Just something to help make ends meet until I figure out what I want to be when I grow up. 🙂

Yup, I’m still trying to figure that out… I never knew what I wanted when I was younger. I loved doing all sorts of things… kind of a Jack of all trades yet a master of none kind of person… You name it, I enjoyed it… and I’m still that way.

I’m pretty easy going. I will enjoy pretty much anything as long as the company is good. I’m not too picky when it comes to food, clothes, etc… So, maybe I shouldn’t be too picky when it comes to a career right? I don’t think so… The thought of going down the wrong path scares me, honestly.

You see, when I became a momma… that’s when I realized what I wanted to be when I grew up… Yet, here I am… single now.. and having to take care of everything! Having to be the momma, and provide for them too… I hate it.

I want to be home with them. It’s where I’m meant to be… A friend said, “Well, you’re just dealing with what everyone deals with now.. No on really likes to work.” That’s not what I’m dealing with… I definitely worked as a stay at home mom. Work isn’t the issue… All the jobs I go to, I actually enjoy. One of them is at a gas station… Yet, I actually like it. The issue isn’t work. The issue is… I am a momma.. and that’s all I want to be.

So, yes.. I’m scared of trying anything else… because what if it’s the wrong thing and is detrimental to my family? I don’t want to do anything that would hurt these kiddos… They’ve been through so much already.

So here I am.. not really turning left or right… Just sort of tip-toeing all over the place… hoping my steps stay on the right path.

Maybe I am putting too much thought into it? Maybe it shouldn’t be that hard? Maybe I’ve been controlled for so long, that now I don’t know how to properly think for myself?

Who knows?… All I know, is that I miss my babies when I leave and can’t wait to get back to them…

Thanks for letting me vent 🙂

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