Friends

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I have been so blessed with true friends that are always willing to help me and lend an ear…

Sometimes I have a hard time believing I have good friends who really care..

It’s nothing on their part.. See part of his control was in telling me no one cared… No one liked me.. no one listened.. I wasn’t worth anything.. I wasn’t allowed to this or that..

It was hard building relationships when you weren’t allowed to hang out at their house. Sounds like I was a child… I felt like I was a child…

It was hard to build relationships when he constantly talked about the person behind her back. Talking about all her negatives… How she acted one day that might have been a warning that she didn’t really care.

I still have those little voices that bother me from time to time.. Trying to tell me that my friendships are just superficial. That the person doesn’t really care for me.. That she would always choose someone else over me…

I’m learning to realize that as I am healing, I am also becoming a better friend… and I am attracting those people to me more and more…

It’s a lot of self talk. Positive self talk. Telling myself I’m worthy. Looking at myself in the mirror and telling myself that I am a kind, smart, funny person and I am a good friend. Telling myself that I am loved… Trying to make up for all those years that the negatives were a constant.

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My Bones

This song speaks to me so much…

Sometimes I don’t think I was stupid.. I just think I loved someone. Someone who hurt me. I didn’t mean to love that kind of person. I just did.

I was loyal. I have a certain view on marriage… You don’t give up on the person you love. You stay with him and help him…

I know… I know I was right to leave. I was right to keep myself and my children safe… but sometimes I wish he just would have listened.

I wish he would have listened and changed.

Been the one to protect me… The one I ran to… Instead of the one I needed to run from.